I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
