I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
