hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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