You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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