I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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