The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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