She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
