Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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