Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
