Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize