when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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