What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
