The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
