Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
