Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
