Farmville is her only friend.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
