What a fucking waste of an outfit
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
