All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
