Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
