I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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