Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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