i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
