dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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