I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
