I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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