Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
