Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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