Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
