anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
