What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
