so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
