why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
