God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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