i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
