dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
