I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
