Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
