Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he puts the penis in happiness.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
