lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think people are normalizing furries
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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