Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
