At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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