I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I sprained my soul last night
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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