why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
