just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
