Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
