it wasn't lemon gatorade
I met the friendliest cop last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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