Do you still have your period?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Text me some of your sweat
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