I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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