i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize