Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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