Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
