Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
