So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
