my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
