I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
