omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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