I should be sponsored by Trojan
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
