I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Quick, to the slutcave!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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