Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
