I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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