Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize