I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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