Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
