why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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