I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
